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 Speaking english is the problem

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Posts : 3070
Birthday : 1962-09-19
Join date : 2009-08-10
Age : 55
Location : Sonora, Mexico

PostSubject: Speaking english is the problem   Wed May 19, 2010 2:06 pm

You know, for many years I have been looking for a professional to agree with me what I have always thought was right. Hey, my Grandma smoke 1 day before she passed away and she was 94!! And she smoke those cigarettes that burn your through all the way to your lungs! I still remember the brand; if the cigarettes were from Mexico: “Farolitos” if they were from USA: “Lucky Strikes” she used to call them “Luquetraigas” My Dad drank Tequila for…. I duno maybe for 70 years? and never did I see him drunk! My Mom used to eat EVERYTHING! and she never, never complained of stomach problems, heartburns or diarrhea. My Father in Law, he never lost his very strong muscles and he also eat just about anything in the menu! Now, ask me what I cannot eat, better yet, ask me what I can eat because the list is much, much shorter: Grilled Chicken breast, carrots, asparagus; carrots, asparagus and chicken breast…grilled. For drinking: Water, cold water, warm water, and more water. Anything else, forget it! No tortillas, no pan, no fish, no milk, no delicious apple pies or cherry pies, or peach pies, or more apple pies, frijoles? go ahead, give me some frijoles and I will have to wear a diaper! Jalapenos? It is like this: on your mark, get set run to the toilet! I don’t understand, I eat well, a balance diet, no fat stuff, no donnas, no burritos, no stakes, no tasty tortillas, no whole milk, and still, my cholesterol is so high that even my doctor wants to add my name in the “guinea book”

…now I find this guy, he speaks the truth and nothing but the truth!...so I will follow his advise!!!

I like this Doctor…and these are the answers to all my questions:

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise.
Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer;
that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.
Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.
And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient
mechanismof delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more
of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!!
It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'


For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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PostSubject: Re: Speaking english is the problem   Thu May 20, 2010 12:27 am

That was very funny!

Thanks for the laugh G!
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PostSubject: Re: Speaking english is the problem   Thu May 20, 2010 12:30 am

lol! lol! lol! cheers
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Posts : 41
Birthday : 1977-10-08
Join date : 2009-10-29
Age : 40
Location : Charlotte, NC

PostSubject: Re: Speaking english is the problem   Sat Jun 12, 2010 9:39 am

Sure is a whole lotta truth within all the humor....
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Posts : 28
Birthday : 1990-01-28
Join date : 2010-06-01
Age : 28
Location : SoCo and lime

PostSubject: Re: Speaking english is the problem   Sun Jun 13, 2010 9:59 pm

Rough symantic translation

hablo mas inglish,
me hablo poquito spanish
me ohh no no.

im screwed Very Happy
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Posts : 293
Birthday : 1966-03-17
Join date : 2009-10-27
Age : 52
Location : Denver,Iowa

PostSubject: Re: Speaking english is the problem   Mon Jun 14, 2010 11:00 am

cheers holy shit,i need more beer lol!
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Posts : 96
Birthday : 1965-01-21
Join date : 2009-10-29
Age : 53
Location : UK

PostSubject: Re: Speaking english is the problem   Mon Jun 14, 2010 4:04 pm

Gracias Amigos

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Posts : 382
Birthday : 1960-11-08
Join date : 2009-12-30
Age : 57
Location : Oregon

PostSubject: Re: Speaking english is the problem   Sat Jun 19, 2010 10:19 am

Ha! Ha! I'm passing this on to my sister, the English teacher!

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Posts : 33
Birthday : 1999-09-30
Join date : 2010-07-19
Age : 18
Location : Austin, Tx

PostSubject: Re: Speaking english is the problem   Wed Jul 21, 2010 8:54 am

Hey blanco you speak spanish cause i'm from and island in the carribean tu server es muy beno i tanbien el wtf adyos! sunny
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Posts : 75
Birthday : 1999-09-11
Join date : 2010-07-08
Age : 18

PostSubject: Re: Speaking english is the problem   Wed Jul 21, 2010 11:06 am

it was to long so i read it to the halfway point ^^
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