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 More Chief Petty Officer Humor

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crazyman1965



Posts : 84
Birthday : 1965-03-15
Join date : 2010-07-10
Age : 52
Location : Hampton Roads, Virginia

PostSubject: More Chief Petty Officer Humor   Thu Jan 03, 2013 5:51 am

The Chain of Command



Admiral - Leaps over tall buildings with a single bound. Is more powerful than a locomotive. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives policy guidance to God.





Captain - Leaps short buildings with a single bound. Is more powerful than a small engine. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. Walks on water if the sea is calm. Talks with GOD.






Commander - Leaps short buildings with a running start. Is almost as powerful as a small engine. Is slower than a speeding bullet. Walks on water in indoor swimming pools. Talks with GOD if special form is provided.



Lieutenant commander - Barely clears little huts. Lose tug of war with small engine . Can fire a speeding bullet. Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by GOD.





Lieutenant - Crashes into buildings trying to leap over them. Is run over by small engines. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury. Dog paddles. Talks to animals.




Lieutenant Junior Grade - Cannot recognize buildings. Recognizes small engines two or three times. Is not issued ammunition. Can stay afloat if instructed in Mae West. Talks to walls.




Ensign - Falls over doorstep when trying to enter a building. Says"Look at the Choo-choo" when locomotive passes by. Not allowed elastic for his slingshot. Plays in puddles. Mumbles to himself.





Chief Petty Officer - Lifts tall buildings and walks under them. Kicks Locomotives off tracks. Catches Bullets in teeth and eats them. Freezes water with a single glance. He is GOD
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crazyman1965



Posts : 84
Birthday : 1965-03-15
Join date : 2010-07-10
Age : 52
Location : Hampton Roads, Virginia

PostSubject: Re: More Chief Petty Officer Humor   Thu Jan 03, 2013 5:57 am

A Chief Petty Officer shall not drink, BUT

if a Chief Petty Officer should drink,

he shall not get drunk. BUT

If he should get drunk,

he should not stagger. BUT

If he should stagger,

he should not fall down. BUT

If he should fall down,

he should fall on his left side. WHY?

To hide his rating badge so people will think he is an officer.
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crazyman1965



Posts : 84
Birthday : 1965-03-15
Join date : 2010-07-10
Age : 52
Location : Hampton Roads, Virginia

PostSubject: Re: More Chief Petty Officer Humor   Thu Jan 03, 2013 5:58 am

Rules as they apply to The Chief

THE CHIEF IS ALWAYS RIGHT.

IN THE IMPOSSIBLE HYPOTHESIS THAT A SUBORDINATE MAY BE RIGHT, SEE ABOVE.

THE CHIEF DOES NOT SLEEP, HE RESTS.

THE CHIEF IS NEVER LATE, HE IS DETAINED ELSEWHERE.

THE CHIEF NEVER LEAVES WORK, HIS PRESENCE IS REQUIRED ELSEWHERE.

THE CHIEF NEVER READS THE PAPER IN THE MESS, HE STUDIES.

THE CHIEF NEVER GOES ON LIBERTY WITH HIS JUNIORS, HE CONDUCTS TRAINING SESSIONS.

WHOEVER CONFRONTS THE CHIEF WITH AN IDEA OF HIS OWN, MUST LEAVE WITH THE CHIEF'S IDEA.

THE CHIEF IS ALWAYS THE CHIEF, EVEN IN HIS SHOWER SHOES.

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crazyman1965



Posts : 84
Birthday : 1965-03-15
Join date : 2010-07-10
Age : 52
Location : Hampton Roads, Virginia

PostSubject: Re: More Chief Petty Officer Humor   Thu Jan 03, 2013 5:58 am

Nine Rules of a Chief's Wife

1. The chief's wife is always right.

2. In the impossible hypothesis that her lucky husband may be right, see above.

3. The chief's wife never sleeps, she gets her beauty rest.

4. The chief's wife is never late, she is fashionably detained at the mall.

5. The chief's wife never leaves work, her presence is required at the spa.

6. The chief's wife never reads the paper, she's looking for sale ads.

7. The chief's wife never goes on liberty with her friends, she conducts girls' night out sessions.

8. Whoever confronts the chief's wife with an idea of his own, he must beg for forgiveness, buy her a new dress, and take her out to dinner.

9. The chief's wife is always the chief's wife, even in her lingerie.

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crazyman1965



Posts : 84
Birthday : 1965-03-15
Join date : 2010-07-10
Age : 52
Location : Hampton Roads, Virginia

PostSubject: Re: More Chief Petty Officer Humor   Thu Jan 03, 2013 6:01 am

Chief & the Ensign

� The Chief was bragging to the Ensign one day. "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name Someone, Anyone� and I know them." �
Tired of his boasting,� the Ensign called his bluff, "Okay, Chief, how about Tom Cruise"? �

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends and I can prove it." �

So they fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom� Cruise, shouts, Chief ! Great to see You! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" �

Although impressed, the Ensign is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells the Chief that he thinks his� knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," the Chief says. "President Bush," the Ensign quickly retorts. �

Yep", I know him, let's fly out to Washington." �

So, off they go. At the White House, Bush spots them on the tour and motions them� over, saying, " Chief, what a surprise. I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and that Ensign come on in and let's catch up. �

Well, the Ensign is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to the Chief, who again implores him to name anyone else.

The new Pope," the Ensign replies. "Sure, I've known the Pope a long time." So, off they fly to Rome.

They're assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when the Chief says, this will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people.
Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
He disappears into the crowd headed toward St. Peter's. Sure enough, half an hour later, the Chief emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time he returns, he finds that the Ensign has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his side, the Chief asks the Ensign, "What Happened to him "?

The Ensign looks up and says, I was doing fine until you and The Pope came out on the balcony and the tourist next to me asked, "Who's that on the balcony next to the Chief ?

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crazyman1965



Posts : 84
Birthday : 1965-03-15
Join date : 2010-07-10
Age : 52
Location : Hampton Roads, Virginia

PostSubject: Re: More Chief Petty Officer Humor   Thu Jan 03, 2013 6:04 am

"THE FIVE MOST DANGEROUS THINGS IN THE US NAVY"

A Seaman saying, "I learned this in Boot Camp..."

A Petty Officer saying, "Trust me, sir..."

A Lieutenant JG saying, "Based on my experience..."

A Lieutenant saying, "I was just thinking..."

A Chief chuckling, "Watch this shit..."


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brettlwason

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Posts : 161
Birthday : 1964-05-16
Join date : 2010-08-18
Age : 53
Location : GEELONG AUSTRALIA

PostSubject: Re: More Chief Petty Officer Humor   Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:57 pm

HEY CRAZYMAN I WAS A CHIEF PETTY OFFICER CLEARANCE DIVER IN THE ROYAL AUSTRALIAN NAVY ...I LIKE YHE QUOTATIONS ..AND YES THEY R TRUE.......I SHOWED THE LINK TO MY WIFE AND SHE SAID THAT 99% OF THE QUOTE'S R TRUE ...SHE SHOULD KNOW SHE WAS A CHIEFS WIFE.........FUNNY THREAD BUT TRUE... lol!
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