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 Letter to Santa

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Posts : 84
Birthday : 1965-03-15
Join date : 2010-07-10
Age : 53
Location : Hampton Roads, Virginia

PostSubject: Letter to Santa   Wed Dec 19, 2012 8:04 am

This is great. Merry Christmas!! hahaha

Subject: Letter to Santa

Timmy writes a Christmas Letter

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the

elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box

360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember

that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas,

Timmy Jones

* *

Dear Timmy,

Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all

fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the

time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to

get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you

something you can go outside and play with.

Merry Christmas,

Santa Claus

* *

Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice" contract, set by you I

might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me

what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season

into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight

coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit



Tim Jones

* *

Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind

you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of

services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your

right. Please know, however, that my attorney's have been on retainer ever

since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be

more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I

alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social

skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom

of the Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,

S Claus

* *

Now look here Fat Man,

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be

polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you

just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be

waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone,

and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!


* *

Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on

one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? "He sees

you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar,

genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your

shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that

if I described them right now you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all

over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked

for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and

then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy

* *

Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.


* *


That's what I thought, you little bastard.


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Posts : 279
Birthday : 1963-11-09
Join date : 2011-10-08
Age : 54
Location : Tucson, AZ

PostSubject: Re: Letter to Santa   Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:37 pm

That was a good laugh. Thanks Crazy. santa
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Posts : 898
Join date : 2009-09-08

PostSubject: Re: Letter to Santa   Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:02 pm


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Posts : 77
Birthday : 1978-02-08
Join date : 2012-10-22
Age : 40
Location : Oregon Coast

PostSubject: Re: Letter to Santa   Wed Dec 19, 2012 7:30 pm

I laughed hard! That was much needed. T-bone and S-clizzy--Good stuff

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Posts : 84
Birthday : 1965-03-15
Join date : 2010-07-10
Age : 53
Location : Hampton Roads, Virginia

PostSubject: Re: Letter to Santa   Thu Dec 20, 2012 5:16 am

I should have updated it to have iPhone 5 and COD Black Ops 2 but it was a great laugh anyway.
Glad you all liked it.

Everyone have a Great Christmas and a Happy New Year and hope to see you on the Battlefield soon.
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